Monday, July 23, 2012

Why do you love me?

Just imagine your significant other asking you that. My guess is you either give a short cheesy answer, or an answer you have been giving a lot of thought about some time ago, or a very (my answer) long stare together with silence, because you haven't been giving it a lot of thought.

I couldn't really answer not because I didn't feel it, or because I didn't know why. I hadn't realized that I had to actually think about it. And given some thought I realize that a question like this is not answered with a single sentence. Now I understand it when people say: "Its complicated" - they have a gut feeling that the reasoning is there, but they just can't pull it out right there on the spot and articulate it. An answer like that you need to, as i said, give some thought, and write a fucking essay.

Firstly, I will start with an analogy. If someone asks you: Why do you like that (Starbucks?) coffeeshop so much?. Normally you will give a couple of reasons, but in reality there are a dozen of reasons, some that you might not even be conscious of.

So that short cheesy answer you might have given was that "couple of reasons", and you are not conscious of many of the other reasons because you had not actually given it some thought. There is no ONE big reason you like something, or love someone for that matter. It is always a myriad of reasons, and with something like love, you need a lot.

However even then, as many a love movie, show, book or even life experience would tell you repeatedly, loving someone does not necessarily mean that you would end up with them. It also involves dozens of other factors, mostly obstacles.

You might say: But if you really love her, distance/time/age/etc. won't matter right? I am going to be blunt here. It does. Not on how much you love the person, but on whether or not you stay/end up with them.

For instance, long distance relationships. They can work - if there is enough love. I have seen and been through a LDR (which is the one I'm in right now), and have seen some people who say that it would not work. [Place your own judgement here]

How much you love someone determines how much of a mountain you will climb in order to get to them. Simple as that.

If you really REALLY like that frappacino, you will drive 40 minutes and pay 16.50, after lining up for 20 minutes next to someone who smells like he swam in the sewer.

If you really, REALLY, R E A L L Y love someone, being across the planet, only being able to see them once a year, your only other regular contact being a single letter that consists of 10 words once a month, WHILE having to wrestle a polar bear and a grizzly bear every day, would be absofuckinglutely nothing. It would be a choice so easy to make that choosing what you order at Starbucks would be a tougher choice.

So what is Love? What is part of it?

Love is the positive things. And at the risk of a tautology (wikipedia it), love is the thing that makes all those negative things - distances, bad looks and cost bearable. Sometimes you will love something/someone so much, for certain reasons, that even with some negatives (or what many would say is a negative), or even the loss of certain positive traits, they will both be nothing compared to how much you love them. Its the positives (love) that keep people that have been married for 60 years when the looks, virility, fertility (since I put in something male related), and other things that might have caused you to start that relationship, have all gone.

I'm possibly doing a terrible job of answering it (and I might be unsatisfied and change this later on because I wrote this in 4am in the morning). But you get the gist of it, love is the combination of all the positive stuff - like kindness, willingness to massage your feet, willingness to watch Twillight with you, intelligence, funny, faithfulness, etc.

So back to the question at hand, why do I, Wong Soong Kit, love my girlfriend, Tey Sin Ruow.

I think I did not give a satisfying answer before, and I will not do it now as well because as I said, some of the reasons are known to me, some are probably superficial and some are unconscious.

But I love her because
she is cute, in the most innocent and childish way;
she is beautiful, every single part of her body;
she is intelligent, with an understanding that I have rarely witnessed;
she is kind, she gives so much without being asked;
she is tolerant, with me and even with assholes;
she is brave, she has nothing to hide from the world;
she is wise, she notices when she has done wrong;
she is strong, she fights hard battles;
she is hardworking, she studies more than I do;
she is unjudging, you have to really fuck up many times to warrant any judgement from her;
she takes the initiative, she gets what she wants and she goes and gets it;
and she loves with all her heart, even the fool that I am.

There is more, and when I think of it or realize it I will put it here, so that I may be grateful.