Thursday, May 14, 2015


I am superbly lucky. I was born into privilege to such an extent that I have never needed to worry about financial security, my personal safety, or anything really. So much so that I had no idea that these were things to be worried about for many years. Everything I have ever needed has been handed on a silver platter to me and I have done absolutely nothing to earn this. In terms of leg ups I can say I was pushed skywards by Hercules himself. I was lucky to have grown up in Malaysia, which isn't perfect but it has nearly no natural disasters (landslides being one of the worse things we have) and its free of widespread violence. This is especially salient right now as people risk their lives just to cross the sea to come here, so that they can live their lives free of violence and persecution. I am totally grateful for all of it. I realize that this leg up has made it so much easier to achieve great things. It has given me a childhood free of worry or fear. And being a totally useless man, I managed to have the best partner a person could ask for fall on my lap. Heck, if I were struck by a falling plane right now, I would still consider myself on the whole as still pretty lucky in terms of the life I've been given.

Your life might not be as privileged, but trust me you are lucky too. You are reading this on a computer, have electricity to power it and literacy in English to understand me (which really helps you out anywhere you go on this planet). We are both among the richest people that have lived considering that for most of human history the vast majority of people were dirt poor and even among the 7 billion people around today, you are in the top few percent.  While you could probably list out a myriad of reasons why "my life sucks!" Know that you can list out ten times more reasons to be grateful.

Lets begin with being alive. To exist and to be consciously aware of it involves miracle level luck. I will let this guy explain it since he explains it best:
If you still don't see the odds involved this spells it out further :

TLDR of the two above links - you should not exist. In terms of odds, you existing is the inverse of infinity. It is so small that even in the vast universe out there, till the end of time, there will be only one instance of you. No encores. A dice rolling 6 every second for a whole year is more likely.

Why am I seemingly trying to force you to admit that you are one lucky son of a gun? Because it makes you happier. It really does. When I feel down even after the shittiest day, I just think to how much I have and my goodness do I realize I have so much to be happy about. Heck, from some perspectives (like my girlfriend's) even the crappy stuff is a privilege to behold, as it will never happen again and you and only you get to witness it from your perspective. Some reading this might have a lot less reasons than I do to feel grateful for, especially if you are somehow reading this from a rickety overloaded boat that's about to sink, but you should still hold to the emotion of gratitude because in the end happiness is not about your circumstance and what you have.

Even if you have everything, without gratitude, you will be miserable. No matter how little you have, if you are able to appreciate it, you can be happy. I hope my little rant above has given you a little perspective and will allow you to appreciate what you have a little better so that you can be happier.

Saturday, January 05, 2013


In my 21 years on this blue ball flinging me around a burning hydrogen ball, I have learned that doubt is good. Doubt is in general good for you.

Doubt what you say? Everything. From religion to your teacher, to your textbook, except calculators, calculators are always correct if u key stuff in right.

Why? Because odds are you are wrong.

For instance, religion. I personally am an agnostic, and if I was asked to describe my beliefs in the existence of a God, the best description right now would be -I'm not sure, some days providence makes me feel like there is a God, some days I don't feel it. From my epistemological point of view, it is pretty much impossible to say whether or not God exists. Why? Didn't the atheists prove with their awesome science that God does not exist? Isn't the flying spaghetti monster just as possible? Are not all the holybooks contradictable and thus all religions wrong?

The answer is maybe. Science does not disprove God in any sense of the word disprove. The most that scientist have done is prove the Catholic church wrong, among other things. Yes the Big Bang probably created the universe and some apologists might say "well God caused the big bang!" and atheists go on and say "Who created God then?!" and both sides shake their fists at the other, thinking they won the debate and the other a fool, both certain in themselves.

I prefer to say Maybe. Maybe the bible is wrong, davinci code style (as in tampered with), maybe it isn't. And even if it is, it does not disprove a creator, and lalala. Point is, there is no certainty either way. Atheists might reason that because of the existence of evil that an omnipotent and all loving god cannot exist, and perhaps they are right. But then again you would go into arguements about free will and earthquakes and famine.

What I see wrong with this picture is that both sides are so certain of their position. Atheists are so certain that God cannot exist because A, B and psychedelic mushrooms, while religious people believe in a god because of X, Y and Jesus. They take proof that is not conclusive as conclusive and close their minds.

What are we supposed to do then? Be doubtful forever? Yes

Even Jesus and Moses had doubts, so dont think that doubting God and his commands would be a sign of failure. And as any scientist will tell you, there is no prove. You can never objectively prove something, it is only possible as human beings to get evidence to increase the likelihood of something. So let me invite you to agnosticism. The maybe people. My personal mix of it is "I'm not sure, but I'd rather believe and be wrong than not believe than be right."

But enough of religion. We should doubt other things too. Most importantly what people tell you. Even this, because there is a possibility that being certain about things while going through life is good for u. But from my experience, it is better to doubt. Reasonably doubt of course. If you see a man holding a bloody knife in his bloody hand attached to his bloody arm while wearing a bloody shirt and smile, you better have a very good reason to think that he didnt stab that person on the floor.

But hyperboles aside, doubt what people say. This also means do not trust people completely. While trust is good (for life happiness according to some article you should google or ask me about so I can show u), it should not be dispensed freely. When someone tells you that the product hes selling is the best, doubt him. If your friend gossips about how your other friend is a slut, doubt her. If someone tells you that someone else is talking bad about you, doubt that motherfucker. Why? Because first of all, especially with gossip about people, the other person is not there to defend themselves. So you should do so in your mind and perhaps your words. If person A says that person B has been stealing things, evidence is needed before u label person B in your mind as a thieving scumsack.

Especially news. News today is so partisan that one event can be seen in two different ways completely.

And then there is effectiveness.

Right now there is a big hooplah about gun control because crazy people have been shooting not so crazy people (because who cares if they shoot other crazy people eh) and both sides of the US gun debate are arguing for policies. One side is arguing and pulling out statistics that less guns= less gun violence/fatalities while somehow the other side can pull out statistics that show the opposite. Both sides are adamant, yet odds are one (or possible both) is wrong. But because they like being certain so much, they will stay wrong.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Why do you love me?

Just imagine your significant other asking you that. My guess is you either give a short cheesy answer, or an answer you have been giving a lot of thought about some time ago, or a very (my answer) long stare together with silence, because you haven't been giving it a lot of thought.

I couldn't really answer not because I didn't feel it, or because I didn't know why. I hadn't realized that I had to actually think about it. And given some thought I realize that a question like this is not answered with a single sentence. Now I understand it when people say: "Its complicated" - they have a gut feeling that the reasoning is there, but they just can't pull it out right there on the spot and articulate it. An answer like that you need to, as i said, give some thought, and write a fucking essay.

Firstly, I will start with an analogy. If someone asks you: Why do you like that (Starbucks?) coffeeshop so much?. Normally you will give a couple of reasons, but in reality there are a dozen of reasons, some that you might not even be conscious of.

So that short cheesy answer you might have given was that "couple of reasons", and you are not conscious of many of the other reasons because you had not actually given it some thought. There is no ONE big reason you like something, or love someone for that matter. It is always a myriad of reasons, and with something like love, you need a lot.

However even then, as many a love movie, show, book or even life experience would tell you repeatedly, loving someone does not necessarily mean that you would end up with them. It also involves dozens of other factors, mostly obstacles.

You might say: But if you really love her, distance/time/age/etc. won't matter right? I am going to be blunt here. It does. Not on how much you love the person, but on whether or not you stay/end up with them.

For instance, long distance relationships. They can work - if there is enough love. I have seen and been through a LDR (which is the one I'm in right now), and have seen some people who say that it would not work. [Place your own judgement here]

How much you love someone determines how much of a mountain you will climb in order to get to them. Simple as that.

If you really REALLY like that frappacino, you will drive 40 minutes and pay 16.50, after lining up for 20 minutes next to someone who smells like he swam in the sewer.

If you really, REALLY, R E A L L Y love someone, being across the planet, only being able to see them once a year, your only other regular contact being a single letter that consists of 10 words once a month, WHILE having to wrestle a polar bear and a grizzly bear every day, would be absofuckinglutely nothing. It would be a choice so easy to make that choosing what you order at Starbucks would be a tougher choice.

So what is Love? What is part of it?

Love is the positive things. And at the risk of a tautology (wikipedia it), love is the thing that makes all those negative things - distances, bad looks and cost bearable. Sometimes you will love something/someone so much, for certain reasons, that even with some negatives (or what many would say is a negative), or even the loss of certain positive traits, they will both be nothing compared to how much you love them. Its the positives (love) that keep people that have been married for 60 years when the looks, virility, fertility (since I put in something male related), and other things that might have caused you to start that relationship, have all gone.

I'm possibly doing a terrible job of answering it (and I might be unsatisfied and change this later on because I wrote this in 4am in the morning). But you get the gist of it, love is the combination of all the positive stuff - like kindness, willingness to massage your feet, willingness to watch Twillight with you, intelligence, funny, faithfulness, etc.

So back to the question at hand, why do I, Wong Soong Kit, love my girlfriend, Tey Sin Ruow.

I think I did not give a satisfying answer before, and I will not do it now as well because as I said, some of the reasons are known to me, some are probably superficial and some are unconscious.

But I love her because
she is cute, in the most innocent and childish way;
she is beautiful, every single part of her body;
she is intelligent, with an understanding that I have rarely witnessed;
she is kind, she gives so much without being asked;
she is tolerant, with me and even with assholes;
she is brave, she has nothing to hide from the world;
she is wise, she notices when she has done wrong;
she is strong, she fights hard battles;
she is hardworking, she studies more than I do;
she is unjudging, you have to really fuck up many times to warrant any judgement from her;
she takes the initiative, she gets what she wants and she goes and gets it;
and she loves with all her heart, even the fool that I am.

There is more, and when I think of it or realize it I will put it here, so that I may be grateful.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Why are people so unsatisfied?

Everywhere you look, you see people that are so dissatisfied with so many things in their lives - their looks, their wealth, their achievements, their spouse and anything they can even consider theirs. Here I shall drop a corny like, not very popular:

Being happy is not about having more, it is being content with what you have.

Now, I am not asking that everyone be content with how things are right now - with idiots in government, with people starving while there is abundant food, with homeless people when there is an overabundance of houses, to name a few. Instead I wonder about the motivations behind so many actions that so many people take - working for billions of dollars, which they will never finish spending; trying to look like a model, which is not only nearly impossible but pointless in the least; trying so hard to get laid, when sex just will not fulfill you.

There is just so many things that people do and are motivated to do that does not make sense when you sit down to think about it.

For one looks - guys buying shoes every other week, girls wearing torturous high heels (fake height), make up galore (fake skin), hair extensions (fake hair), fake eye lashes. While admittedly, being good looking does give you a better chance in life, but wouldn't it be better to just admit that you are not as good looking as all that fake stuff is supposed to make you. Why do we have a society that encourages this? Where we substitute looks for merit, intelligence, diligence and many other virtues so much more worthy, as what is important in life.

So much effort is put into this that I am surprised. If you told the child the amount of effort that we as a race put into this - entire industries based around looks - the child would tell you that it does not make any sense! And the child would be right! Yeah... but.... That is what you were about to say isn't it? Yeah, but. With the first word - yeah, you admit that this is logical, but then you add but. That means you already know what is logical yet still would defend senseless efforts towards something that shouldn't matter.

Yeah, but... that's how the world is.... the world is like that... people care about looks, it matters a lot....

You would say this even with the knowledge that it shouldn't matter, and just accept it. You would put all that effort and money into fake looks, but have resigned to have a world with something that very much shouldn't be. It is very much perplexing the things we do that does not make sense.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Just something i wrote for my writing class on happiness and well-being

My view of well-being mainly consists of internal peace, self-actualization and having your needs met. Internal peace in better terms would be contentment in every possible way or simply having most of your wants satisfied, self-actualization is essentially being the best you that you want to be, and having your needs met is having the needs every human being has fulfilled. It would seem that the first is quite impossible to achieve, that is, to have everything that you might want, and that is partially true. Erich Fromm, explains two different forms of existing in his book To Have or to Be, which is being and having. People that base their existence, their sense of self and by extension their well-being on having would nearly never achieve the first, and because of that never really have well-being. People that be on the other hand are much more likely to attain internal peace and self-actualization.

The first thing I should address however, is needs. Human beings have many needs that range from material to emotional. I would define having your needs met as to not being deficient in either. Material needs, or material well-being, consists of the usual things, having a roof over your head, food to eat, clothes on your back and anything that makes life convenient to allow social participation and autonomy, as per Michael Marmot. Emotional needs include the need for love, joy and security, which one would normally get from their family, friends or spouse. While it is not necessary to have much of any of these mentioned above to be considered having your needs met, it is still important to not be lacking in any of them. To have all your material and especially emotional needs met is not easy, but it is not too daunting to achieve either.

Internal peace and actualization however is much more difficult to come by, especially if your sense of identity depends on having. A person whose sense of self is base on having essentially places his identity into the things that he has, such as cars, mansions, money and even power. And by basing his identity on such things, it creates an anxiety and also an unending hunger for more. A person that has fears losing his possessions, as it would amount to losing himself. This dread creates a sense of insecurity which also helps to feed the aforementioned unending hunger. A person always desires to grow, to expand the self, and a haver does so by attaining more, more wealth, more power. However, having more also creates a greater fear of losing what he has, and this insecurity urges him to attain even more, creating an unending cycle of want. Not every one of them experiences this cycle though, but all of them experience the fear in losing what they have. This fear also creates a distrust for others who might covet what they have, thus alienating them. A person that has would be fearful of death as he tries to cling to his material belongings even as he dies while knowing that he would lose them, a monument to which is the Pyramids, the attempts of the pharaohs to being their material belongings with them to the afterlife. It is this very cycle of want and the fear , that stops any haver from achieving internal peace.

A person that bases himself on having is not actualized because I believe that any person that is truly actualized would never base their identity on material and fleeting things. Thus it would be right to say that it is not the form of having that stops actualization, though the fixation on it would, it is more the lack of actualization that leaves a person to base his self-identity on what he has.

On the other hand, there are those that base their sense of self on being. A person that is I believe is much closer to self-actualization, as he focuses more on being himself than to be something he does not want to be to attain something that he does not truly want. He bases his growth on his experiences and thus his progress by what he does in life. A person that wants to be would respond spontaneously to life, with courage and yearn to be productive with their hands or with ideas. This leads to or, it could be argued, is led to by actualization. A person that is focused on being enriches his life with nourishing things as he hungers for life, on the way growing as a person, thus actualizing. It could also be seen that a person that is actualized would be more focused on being and would go forth and live his life fruitfully, either way, being and actualization go hand in hand. 

Internal peace is then achieved as easily as being, as a person intent on being gets what he wants with the simple act of existing. While of course more pleasant experiences would be preferred, but a person that is would experience adversity as an opportunity to grow and experience something new or challenging, rather than an obstacle to attaining their material desires. It would sound like being focused on being would make a person fear the inevitable end of life, but it is only true for the haver. A person that is would at the end of their life have everything that they have ever done, achieved and experienced which most importantly, are things that they will keep even as they die. A being person also has no reason to fear losing their self-identity, or their experiences, as it is not something that can be taken from them, short of dementia. Internal peace and contentment is pretty much a given for a person that lives their lives as a being .

In reality, it is likely that no one is fully living in the polar form of being or having but more likely somewhere in between, but to attain well-being we should stop desiring empty things and just be.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Life is like....

 Driving on a road. The idea came to me when - I was driving, no surprise there.

I would go about writing this structurally, but then again that's not how my mind works.

Firstly, everyone likes to think that they're good drivers (like myself), when they actually are terrible drivers ( life myself). In real life, people go about thinking that what they do is right, and what everyone else is doing "to them" is a terrible and a crime punishable by death by puppies. And rarely, they realize (like myself) that they suck at driving, and not because they don't have the capacity to do so, but because of bad choices and habits. Same thing with real life. We are not incapable of being successful, we have pretty much most of the things that successful people have before they became rich and powerful, our functioning body, and our brain - we just didn't put it into as good a use as them.

People hate getting cut off on the road, or someone that is indecisive on the lane they want to be on, maybe someone that doesn't signal, perhaps someone that's speeding, or going too slow, or talking on the phone, or who cut a red light, or.. the list goes on - but fail to remember that they have done the exact same things before in the past, and may even still be doing it at present (like myself). Applying this to real life, you can look at it from many angles. When people get questions from little kiddies, it takes a real matured mind to understand that to that tiny being, the question might seem quite logical to ask, while to us it sounds real stupid. And they forget, they used to ask the same kinda questions too.

And when people are late, the victim complains and bitches on about "oh my gawd why don't you ever turn up on time...." When they have been late themselves too. People fail to understand that they make the same mistakes you do, FOR THE SAME REASONS TOO, a lot of the time at least. Of course some people do it more than others (like myself) but well, some drivers are worse than others.

And then there is the people in your car, who are most of the time, your family, but as you grow older, it becomes your friends, and then the family that you build. They get on and get off, like in life when people enter and leave, maybe due to disagreements, different destinations or just circumstance. These people you are really close with, and for a time, even if its short, you share the same path and thus at least by proximity, you are closest to them.

And then there are the other people on the road. Most of the time if something happens, lets say an accident, you as a passenger usually side with the people in your car right? An in-group, out-group mentality where the outsiders are always wrong even though your driver clearly went too close...

And on the road there is an etiquette that you have to follow like in real life. And like in real life people don't agree what the rules are. Some people don't like it when someone overtakes them, even though they're slow, and in real life, people with seniority don't like it when someone goes over them from below. Who's wrong, the slow ass or the other?

I would write more but my inspiration has fizzled out for the moment...

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Throughout my life, i've seen many people lacking this - motivation. Especially in school. And when i say motivation, i mean a genuine drive that comes from within, and not pressured from without.

Studying hard because your parents ask u to, is lousy motivation from what I know. Studying hard for the ambitions that you have, is better, but if the ambitions are selfish, i've found it to be quite weak for some people. For me, the only thing that could possibly move me to care is people. The thought that suffering happens (and i'm part of the cause) is sickening and painful.

But i digress, motivation is needed for people to function well, or you will slowly find apathy creeping into your life, without even realizing it. And this is what kills potential, its what kills dreams and hopes and ambition.

We all need to think of what motivates us, and if its not good enough, we need something better.